Comments on wild and precious: When Death Comes*

Welcome, Paul and thank you. And thanks, Kirstin...

2009-02-03T07:45:00.000-05:00

Welcome, Paul and thank you. And thanks, Kirstin.
I think I'm finally collapsing this week ... first time I haven't been too busy since his death to just stay in bed and let life pass me by a bit.

I am sorry to read of your loss (coming to this la...

2009-02-02T23:12:00.000-05:00

I am sorry to read of your loss (coming to this late). May deep peace sustain you and love surround you.

Oh, ((((you)))).Your words are beautiful and wise....

2009-01-16T14:12:00.000-05:00

Oh, ((((you)))).

Your words are beautiful and wise. I'm sorry for your loss--and I'm happy that you are who you are.

Oh my, this is such a blessing. I just came home ...

2009-01-15T17:16:00.000-05:00

Oh my, this is such a blessing. I just came home from the church -- interment, memorial service, reception. It was all beautiful and moving and wondeful. But now I am escaping into the quiet of the computer for a moment and I find your beautiful words. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You are each precious to me, even those of you I've just "met" today.

Ann, I was felling guilty for leaving, and the doc...

2009-01-15T15:25:00.000-05:00

Ann, I was felling guilty for leaving, and the doctor and the nurses both told me that often dying people seem to hold on for a moment when family members step out of the room, and then let go.

LJ, my new fried: Mad Priest sent me here and I'm ...

2009-01-15T14:59:00.000-05:00

LJ, my new fried: Mad Priest sent me here and I'm so thankful that he did. Your post was simply beautiful - stunningly beautiful.

Thank you for sharing your journey with me today: i really needed it.

My prayers for you and for your dad, and for your mom. You'll be listed on the prayers of the People over at my place.

As a priest I often see that - the person dies whe...

2009-01-15T14:11:00.000-05:00

As a priest I often see that - the person dies when everyone leaves the room. Like they want to do that part alone.

MadPriest sent me over, and you don't know me, but...

2009-01-15T13:10:00.000-05:00

MadPriest sent me over, and you don't know me, but wanted to let you know another voice joins yours in prayers of celebration and remembrance for your Dad.

LJ, my deepest sympathy to you and your mom. I sh...

2009-01-15T11:38:00.000-05:00

LJ, my deepest sympathy to you and your mom. I shall pray for you both for comfort, consolation, and God's peace that passes understanding.

We never know which interactions will be our last ones. And so every single moment we are called to compassionate presence. There is not a one of us that doesn't know this. But how easy it is to live out of the grudges, the impatience, the frustration. How very human.

Oh my! How that resonated.

You were blessed to be there for your dad's last breath of life. I left my mom in the hospital to go home to take a shower, and I got word that my mom died before I had time to shower.

Beautiful writing, LJ.

Crying is good, honey. Let it all out. And then le...

2009-01-15T09:39:00.000-05:00

Crying is good, honey. Let it all out. And then let it all out again, whenever you feel it coming on. (There were many years when I was so numb emotionally that I couldn't cry---tears are a gift, I have found.)

(((LJ)))

And hey, everyone -- look at my Bush Countdown. F...

2009-01-15T07:57:00.000-05:00

And hey, everyone -- look at my Bush Countdown. Four days! I wonder what will happen when it ends?

Dad was a life-long, yellow-dog Democrat, so I know he's enjoying this.

And Ann, too, welcome. Sorry -- I'm not completel...

2009-01-15T07:53:00.000-05:00

And Ann, too, welcome. Sorry -- I'm not completely here, I'm afraid. I'm sure you all understand.

Diane, Jane, Doxy, Eileen -- y'all know I love you. Diane, I hope you haven't frozen to death.

Oh, you all are so kind and so dear. I am so gra...

2009-01-15T07:51:00.000-05:00

Oh, you all are so kind and so dear. I am so grateful for this virtual community. What can I say? I've been holding vigil at Mom's house all week -- the visitors began arriving as soon as we got home from the hospital and haven't stopped yet. My family is all in town now. It's exhausting, really. This afternoon is the memorial service, but this morning is the time I have chosen to fall apart. I am here at home by myself crying like a baby. I guess I knew this would happen eventually.

SR, thank you for coming over. I haven't been much of a blogger for the past year, but I still feel blessed and loved by this community and I'm glad that you are part of it.

(Sent here by the Mad Priest - and I'm glad he did...

2009-01-15T07:21:00.000-05:00

(Sent here by the Mad Priest - and I'm glad he did)

Thank you for writing this.

I wasn't with either of my parents when they died. My mother had been keeping vigil beside Dad for a couple of days. She neeeded a break, and so the next morning I took her out to collect some new curtains she had ordered. We would go to the Care Home in the afternoon. We got back to find a phone message saying he had died that morning. We both felt that he had been waiting for the opportunity to slip away - that somehow us being there had made him hang on.

For my mother, I received the phone call from the hospital and arranged to go across the next day. She didn't wait but died in the night having seen both my brothers.

Both died around the Christmas/New Year time, and a loss at a time of celebration can make it seem even more intense, and the season will be forever linked to it in the memory. But the positive memories grow stronger and the negative ones fade.

My prayers for you and your mother as you adjust to a new way of living.

((((lj)))))) your words about your dad are so beau...

2009-01-14T17:35:00.000-05:00

((((lj)))))) your words about your dad are so beautiful, so true. praying for you at this time of loss.

what can I say? Your own words are so wise.

((((((lj))))))))Thank you for this profound and be...

2009-01-14T13:34:00.000-05:00

((((((lj))))))))

Thank you for this profound and beautiful witness. I think your son will treasure it when he is old enough to read and understand it.

Much love to you and many prayers.

These wise women have already said everything I wa...

2009-01-14T12:02:00.000-05:00

These wise women have already said everything I wanted to say---so just feel the love and prayers I am sending in your direction.

Prayers for you and all who were loved by your fat...

2009-01-14T11:42:00.000-05:00

Prayers for you and all who were loved by your father -- your story is so true - and in telling it you gift us all.

((((((((((LJ)))))))))))Beautiful and true, all of ...

2009-01-14T09:40:00.000-05:00

((((((((((LJ)))))))))))

Beautiful and true, all of it. We never realize that we should not take each moment for granted until there are no more to take - all of us do it. I know I do.

PJ, who could be more qualified than you? A doct...

2009-01-14T09:27:00.000-05:00

PJ, who could be more qualified than you? A doctor? Death hits us all. Sorry that you lost your dad so young. Thanks for your gentle response.

You know, I'm really not berating me self, just observing. It's almost amusing how completely self-evident the lessons we need to learn are. Compassion. Duh.

And you're right (though too generous) about the ways in which Dad and I were so alike. Though Mom ain't no intellectual slouch, herself.

Thanks, PJ. Hugs.

Oh dear. Here's me, being the first to comment as ...

2009-01-14T09:18:00.000-05:00

Oh dear. Here's me, being the first to comment as usual, and so under-qualified.

LJ, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Don't berate yourself for not being a perfect angel over those last couple of days. I believe that it's a healthy, self-protective response to lose patience with an ailing loved-one. Everyone does it, and your Dad knew that. Trust me, no one -- on earth or in Heaven -- is disappointed in you.

When my father died I had just turned 20, and I was terrified. I saw him on the afternoon that he died, but not that night because I was just too scared to go back to the hospital. My mom, my two older brothers and my older sister let me get away with it. I was the "baby," after all. I felt guilty for years, but now, as a parent, I know that if the situation were reversed I wouldn't be angry at all.

Again, I'm sorry. It's quite obvious to me where you got your take-no-prisoners attitude, your excellent critical mind, and your stubbornness (and I mean that in the best sense), all of which are evident even over the internet.

And yes, the good appetite. :)

(((((((((())))))))))