Comments on wild and precious: In Defense of Church-Shopping

LJ,you're lucky that you're in a place where you c...

2008-05-13T17:01:00.000-04:00

LJ,
you're lucky that you're in a place where you can church shop or date or whatever it is you want to call it. (Hang around? Worship? Sample the flavors? Browse?)

In times when I haven't been serving a congregation regularly - which have gone on for pretty long stretches - I have really enjoyed getting to pick and choose from the whole buffet line. You can get a pretty nutritious meal, actually.

As for your young one, I don't have a lot of ideas, but I definitely hope there's a community where he is welcomed and nurtured and cherished!

Can the two happen simultaneously? I will look forward to finding out from you...
Peace,
Laura C in NY

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2008-04-09T04:21:00.000-04:00

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Indeed, dear Doxy. If anyone deserves her curren...

2008-04-08T22:48:00.000-04:00

Indeed, dear Doxy. If anyone deserves her current happiness, it is you. Drink it in!

(I'll watch from the wings with sighs and sweet hope. Though I think the Hafiz poem below is still calling to me for now.)

WD, waahhh. I want a Dear Friend. ;-)Well, you kno...

2008-04-08T21:46:00.000-04:00

WD, waahhh. I want a Dear Friend. ;-)

Well, you know what I had to go through to get this particular one, so I hope you find yours a little easier... ;-)

PJ---I, too, am refraining from the snide remark.

Diane, yeah, I'm not sure it's about doing things ...

2008-04-08T21:12:00.000-04:00

Diane, yeah, I'm not sure it's about doing things differently. I'm a believer in evangelism -- there is good news to share and we ought to be finding ways of making it more widely accessible. Plenty of churches need to broaden their scope and be less cliquey. But, there's also a chemistry thing. For some folks, it either works or doesn't.

WD, waahhh. I want a Dear Friend. ;-)

PJ, I feel like I should make a snide comment here, but I can't think of any that wouldn't be too ... well, revealing.

it does get tiresome after a while if what you rea...

2008-04-07T23:43:00.000-04:00

it does get tiresome after a while if what you really want is a cozy, dependable relationship.

Oh yes. It's good to have a home base, with a little freedom to wander. May all our dating be successful. :)

to state that agreement with the pastor should not...

2008-04-07T10:10:00.000-04:00

to state that agreement with the pastor should not be a criteria for whether one stays active in a church is an unrealistic and, frankly, disingenuous statement.

I totally agree with this. And I wish you luck in both parts of your dating life!

I've got serious issues with my current rector, but I don't feel I can go church-dating because of my kids. It's a great environment for them, if not for me.

Fortunately, every other week I can go to church at my Dear Friend's--and I get what I need there. But I wish I wasn't so divided....

lj, I hear you on the wandering too. maybe if I w...

2008-04-06T22:38:00.000-04:00

lj, I hear you on the wandering too. maybe if I wasn't the pastor, I'd have a hard time finding a church that feels like "home." I know as a pastor I always feel bad when someone wanders out... not exactly like "taking it personally," but more like, "what could I/we have done differently?" That's what I want to know. And of course sometimes there's really nothing...

PJ, you're right. I do like trying out stuff. I...

2008-04-06T22:25:00.000-04:00

PJ, you're right. I do like trying out stuff. I could probably go somewhere different every week and enjoy the experience. But to extend the dating metaphor, it does get tiresome after a while if what you really want is a cozy, dependable relationship.

MC, I wasn't completely successful today, but closer than usual. (with the sugar, that is. for church I was back to FLC.)

thanks for this perspective and may you find a fai...

2008-04-06T21:47:00.000-04:00

thanks for this perspective and may you find a faith community that feels like home soon.

and glad my sugar abstinence could be inspiring for you. (((LJ)))

Hey! Look at me! I didn't grow up in church, so I ...

2008-04-06T13:37:00.000-04:00

Hey! Look at me! I didn't grow up in church, so I have no choice but to shop.

I've been going to my local UCC for a few months now. Not every Sunday, but maybe every other. I love the pastor -- especially her sermons. She's absolutely wonderful.

But, I don't love singing hymns. It's never going to feel right to me. They're all sort of 'Little House on the Prairie' to my ears. And sometimes I think I might prefer the Episcopal church, for the ritual and music and schmaltz. (Haven't tried it, though.) Right now, I really like the people I've met at the UCC.

My church just re-opened its nursery room, by the way. It must be hard for small mainline churches to spend money on this stuff when they've only got one or two little ones turning up (and not every week at that!) Whereas the big "Christian Worship Center" down the road has everything... including PowerPoint presentations (prob'ly) and a seriously ugly building. Can't go there. Nope.

Shop away, LJ. What can you do? I'm sure God doesn't mind where you go. Besides, admit it. You like trying new things. :)

Diane, I completely agree about the differences is...

2008-04-05T22:15:00.000-04:00

Diane, I completely agree about the differences issue. And I know that many people tough out pastors they don't like because they were part of the congregation long before the pastor came and intend to be there still when the pastor moves on. I get that, too.

I think I'm reacting more to the "how to find a church" question rather than the how to stay in a church where you've been for a long time. And I suppose I'm reacting because I'm having trouble feeling at home in the churches I visit these days. So I feel a great deal of sympathy for the folks who wander in and out of our congregations, with enthusiasm early on, which seems to dry up at the first difficulty. It really is like dating. You get excited at first and then start taking a more realistic look ... sigh.

I like church-dating better :).as for disagreement...

2008-04-05T19:45:00.000-04:00

I like church-dating better :).
as for disagreement: I think if it's a fundamental disagreement: of course, a person should leave. because I would bet that there is also a fundamental disagreement with the community or the direction of the congregation as well.

but if it's a "time to time" thing, and the person fundamentally likes the community and direction of the congregation, that's different.

leaving sure beats staying and trying to kick the pastor out, if you ask me.